Tuesday, January 18, 2011

GIRLS!! To do the dishes, to clean up my room, to do the laundry and in the bathroom!!!

Please forgive my title, they are lyrics from a classic Beastie Boys song entitled "Girls" and in no way, shape, or form am I trying to upset the feminists of the world. Anyway, the purpose of the title was just to convey how ridiculously all over the place girls can be!

I figured I would spend some time tonight discussing how there are hundreds of different types of girls out there... I will only discuss a handful of the types I have run into during this past year, each type has made a memorable impression on me that I may never forget... you will soon see  why! 

Sweet and Innocent-Doubtful!
First and foremost let us discuss my favorite type, the sweet and innocent ones. You know those girls who at first glance you never think would do anything crazy and are always extremely nice, total "good" girls. Yeah... turns out looks can be deceiving! I know this one girl, goes to church every weekend (probably during the week too), totally thought she would be kinda quiet and reserved... MY ASS!!! The girl dances like she is auditioning to be in one of DMX's next music videos... stripper pole and all! So whatever, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, you know thinking maybe the alcohol got the best of her that night or something... NEWSFLASH, not a fluke, I can only imagine what went down on those church retreats!

Impress Grandma-Hell No!
Next, we have those girls who you think are really serious, prim and proper. Yea, you know the Queen Elizabeth's of the world who you think would always respond with sir or madam and never show any disrespect. Turns out this one girl I thought that about, one night decides to pull out some of the most racist jokes I have ever heard! I mean not in a million years would I have expected those words to come out of her mouth, think of the most vulgar sailor/truck driver combination and yeah, that's this girl! I swear, she might even steal candy from a baby and then probably laugh about it... EVIL! 

No Such Thing as "Out of Your League"
Ohhh, this next type... gotta love 'em! They give us average guys plenty of hope in the world and PLENTY of reassurance that looks aren't everything! These are the girls who you think are out of your league and then all of a sudden stoop to below your level. Such a confidence booster when you see these girls out... I swear when I see them out I just want to hop on a plane, fly to LA and ask Sofia Vergara (She is Married to good ole Al Bundy on Modern Family) out to dinner. Anyway, yeah these girls sometimes blow your mind, no wonder guys are such slobs these days... GIRLS LIKE SLOBS! These are those girls who fall for guys who are so trashed they fall over and end up sitting at their table to regain their balance and in the meantime try to slur some ridiculous nonsensical statement out of their mouth. These same girls also find interrupting a conversation to turn to the left and hack a giant loogie at the brick wall literally 1 foot from their face while inside a restaurant attractive! If you think you have met one of these girls, try playing a game of "thumb wars" as your next pick-up line... you will probably succeed!

Circle of Friends- Literally ;)
The last type I will discuss tonight are those who "have a hard time venturing outside of the group" if you know what I mean. You know, those girls who feel very secure with one specific group of guy friends and wuddyaknow, one weekend they're cornering you on the dance floor the next weekend they are holding your good friend hostage! They just like you and your friends, NBD! Let's just say with these girls, its always good to be first... or else, well we wont go there... I will let you fill in your own blank!

If you fit into one of these categories, I commend you for you have made perhaps an everlasting impression with me and so I say, THANK YOU! :)

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