Sunday, November 21, 2010


Alright, so my boy Jeff who by the way is obsessed with  the word "Bro" and enjoys adding "-tastic" to the end of almost anything brought up a good point. He has all these absolutely ridiculous ideas for business ventures and well this blog is just about pure ridiculousness so why not talk about them here, maybe one of my readers is filthy rich and wouldn't mind backing him, hahaha yeah right!

Business Venture Idea #1: Raves and Waves 

Now I am sure you are all thinking water parks, "YAY! I just love those places. You know, where all the overweight un-tanned white people bring their families so they can bathe in chlorine pools and pee freely throughout the day..." That reminds me, do they really make that stuff that turns your pee purple if you pee in the pool?? I always wondered about that. Anyway, this is no family fun water park we are talking about here. This is the epically acclaimed, most absolutely ridiculous, water themed nightclub you could ever imagine! 

At Raves and Waves the dress code is swimsuits only... and yes the bouncer will turn you down if you are fugly. But more importantly the dancefloor is a WAVEPOOL!! Yes guys and gals, one of those huge mother f*in pools in which we artificially create 3-7 foot waves, except our wavepool will have an abomination of drunk people in it! Awesome right??? I know! The water will change various colors and we will have an awesome light spectacle going on above you. DJ Surftastic will be spinning the hottest jams and taking fistpumptastic requests all night long. 

*Swimmies will be available for purchase in case you cant swim and there will always be a trained Waves and Raves lifeguard on duty. If you try and pull some bullshit 'Sandlot' stunt on our lifeguards you will be fined $1000 and you will be permanently banned from the club.

Business Venture Idea #2: Bacardio

Bacardio, this one is for all you meatheads and yoga fanatics out there who can't go an entire day without hitting up the gym and/or rolling out your yoga mat. Bacardio is the upcoming new urban trend in which we combine all your health club and night club needs all in once place! We charge a $40 monthly membership fee and have a $5 surcharge on Friday/Saturday nights for all the bros. This modest fee will give you access to the latest and greatest gym/club combination you have ever been privileged to join. We are fully equipped with certified top of line trainers, who might I add are quite attractive, designated hurl stations for those of you who really like to push yourself to the limit, and lastly 3 different DRUNK YOGA sessions beginning at 12, 1, and 2am every Friday and Saturday night. If you prefer not to participate in our drunk yoga, we do have a modest seating area in which you can watch all of your drunk friends fall over themselves while trying to complete their "Praying Mantis" poses and the like. 

We also offer the latest and greatest gym equipment brought to you by the world renowned Layman-etics Gym Equipment Manufacturer. These machines come stocked with glowsticks, mini strobe lights, and a copy of the very brief "Fist Pumping for Dummies" book Authored by Layman-etics owner himself, Mr. J-Lay!     

*Sponsered by Barcardi Rum

Business Venture Idea #3: Ragin' Airways

We figure what hell, we have already gone this far so why stop now?! 

Book a fistpumptastic flight on the newest and funnest way to travel, Ragin' Airways! Here at Ragin' Air we bring the party to you, 40,000 feet above ground level! Our well never runs dry and our flight attendants are always ready to throw down! We only have one rule, no drinking and piloting allowed! 

Ragin' Air will be offering nonstop service from your nearest airport to wherever you'd like to go! We have the newest fleet of Gulfstream 650s (G-6 for short) complete with FULLY RECLINING seats, beer pong tables, state of the art sound system complete with 10 SUBWOOFERS, and for those special occasions, a stripper pole upon request!

We look forward to having you aboard Ragin' Airways, where flying is always rageriffic! 

 *Brought to you by Skyy

Just in case you would like to put a face to all these ridiculous ideas, check out my buddy Jeff... tryin to look fresh for his VC presentation(s) below! 

Ladies, he's single... and with ideas like the one's you've just read the possibilities could be endless!
... Think about it...

FYI, you all suck at leaving comments... I am thoroughly dissatisfied!


  1. Ok, while those three options are definitely great, i can't believe you forgot about draughtzee! jeff will be so disappointed. next post=draughtzee!

  2. Raves and waves would never work... do you know how many injuries there would be from drunk people in waves??? everyone would drown. This is not on my list of an ideal night