Saturday, November 20, 2010

Im Rich... (Bitch!)

So I guess for some ridiculous reason the people who have read my first blog post think I am somewhat funny. I guess so, but seriously if you dont find a 23 year old peeing his bed funny, you obviously must live a very dark and lonely life... that shit is HYSTERICAL!

Anyway, next topic... this is for all my grad school compadres!

I have this professor who is absolutely INSANE!!! The guy is absolutely brilliant, his vocabulary is through the roof... I am willing to bet that instead of pulling out a copy of Sports Illustrated/Redbook (for you ladies) while dropping a deuce in one of his 8 bathrooms at home, he probably reaches for the latest edition of Websters! I try my best to follow him in class, but he always throws out so many intelligent words that I get lost and just decide to refrain from speaking until he goes on one of his many tangents.

The class is about how shitty the world is, no but seriously besides this guys hilarious outbursts and stories, which we will get to later, he never talks about anything positive! I mean I like to think of myself as a pretty happy-go-lucky human being but this guy consistently rains on my parade of optimism every damn Tuesday and Thursday. The weird part is, I am pretty sure most haters are usually people who have gotten shit on their whole life... yet this guy seems like he had a pretty good life, trust fund baby, smart, married, children. That's all I would need man, a boatload of money, some brains, a hot yet non-bitchy wife, and some non-delinquent children and I would be perfectly content! Hell who am I kidding, I will have that!

Nonetheless, he rambles on and on about all kinds of intelligent matter and then finally, he must see all the dumbfounded looks on all of our faces in class, he stoops to our level. This is when he lets us talk for about 2 minutes before he takes back over the conversation. Then we pity-patter back and forth until he eventually gets sick of whatever we are talking about and just goes... "I don't care, I'm RICH (long pause, as everyone waits for the infamous "Bitch" to follow yet never does... I know, disappointment but still ridiculous)!"

Meanwhile the guy has this monstrous grin on his face like "Ha Ha Ha, all these peasants, they know nothing!" Ehh, that probably took it a little too far, he really doesn't rub it in our face. Although, one time someone did ask him how big his castle was, his modest response.... "ohhh i dont know, 8,000 square feet." EIGHT THOUSAND square feet, WTF man... can we come over and play like hide and go seek, laser tag, or something! Jeez, share the wealth...  

As much as I would love to post a picture of this fine fellow I'd rather just do my best helping you paint a picture of what this guy looks like. For starters, he always rocks a blue shirt, always! I swear if Blue's Clues was around when he was a little kid, he woulda been mesmorized! Who am I kidding though, he probably wouldnt even have known how to turn the damn tv on... I am sure he had a maid for that though! Anyway moving on, he always comes to class with his little custom leather backpack... just think if Indiana Jones had a back pack instead of a man purse, thats exactly what this thing looks like. So you have this middle aged man with a blue shirt and an indiana jones backpack... now just throw some redish/blonde hair on his head and a pair of those auto-tinting biphocals and your golden! Actually you know what... I know someone that kinda looks like him...

Hahaha... why did this take me so long to make the connection??? This is epic, I am not going to lie!

Ohhh, one more thing... LEAVE SOME DAMN COMMENTS!!!


  1. Totally using this as a source in my quotes. Alls I know is I could have used this laughter about 2 months ago. Would have made class even more entertaining than just the "quote book".

    You hit the nail on the head regarding the resemblance to Elton John...its uncanny...even down to the man purse!

    Now if you had also commented on the leather suede high-tops he sports daily to class, it would have been golden....!

  2. that picture is the single funniest thing i have seen in 2yrs! No joke dude, that is incredible! 3days later and i'm still laughing